If you were the sensitive one, the daydreamer, the "too much" or "too quiet" kid, you might have grown up wondering what was wrong with you. If you're now discovering your own neurodivergence, you may be navigating a wave of late-diagnosis grief, self-understanding, and the pressure of parenting differently.
As a neurodivergent person or a parent to an neurodivergent child, breaking generational cycles takes on a unique complexity. Many neurodivergent people were punished, rejected, or misunderstood as children. Now, they are learning to parent in ways they never experienced themselves.
You may have been mischaracterised in childhood, and traditional parenting methods may have caused more harm. We can rethink discipline, communication, and self-compassion as a powerful form of cycle breaking.
Misunderstood and Punished: The Neurodivergent Childhood Experience
Many neurodivergent adults describe growing up in environments that punished them for essentially being different. They were labelled as lazy, defiant, dramatic, disruptive, or overly emotional. What was often undiagnosed autism, ADHD, sensory processing differences, or learning disabilities was treated as misbehaviour.
Instead of support, many received shame. Instead of curiosity, they received correction. This creates deep wounds: internalised shame, anxiety, people-pleasing, or rejection sensitivity.
Cycle breaking starts when we say: "There was never anything wrong with me."
Rethinking Discipline, Communication & Support for Neurodivergent Kids
If you were raised in a household that valued obedience over understanding, then the work of unlearning and relearning how to support your neurodivergent child can be confronting. But it’s also incredibly healing.
Traditional discipline methods (timeouts, rewards, punishment) often miss the mark with neurodivergent kids. These children don’t need more control. They need:
- Co-regulation: A calm, safe adult to help them through dysregulation.
- Sensory awareness: Environments that don’t overwhelm their nervous system.
- Emotional validation: Space for their feelings, even when they’re big.
- Clear, direct communication: Without shaming or over-explaining.
Connection is the most effective support strategy.
Cycle breaking means rethinking everything we were taught about what a "good child" or "good parent" looks like.
Self-Understanding and Late-Diagnosis Grief
Discovering your own neurodivergence as an adult can feel both liberating and heartbreaking.
You begin to understand:
- Why school was hard
- Why relationships were confusing
- Why parenting can feel extra intense
And with that understanding comes grief. Grief for the childhood you needed. Grief for the years spent masking or trying to fit in. This grief is real and valid.
But it’s also part of the healing.
Being a cycle breaker means holding your child with the tenderness you needed, while extending that same compassion to yourself.
You Are Not Broken. You Are Becoming.
To the neurodivergent parent learning to break cycles: You are not failing. You are not too late. You are not broken.
You are becoming the parent you never had. You are meeting your child with the presence you were once denied. You are healing generations.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Work With Me
I offer trauma-informed, neurodivergent-affirming counselling for parents who are breaking cycles while healing themselves. Whether you're discovering your neurodivergence, raising a neurodivergent child, or both, you deserve support.
I also highly recommend checking out the Circle of Security Parenting program here.
