What is Rupture and Repair in Parenting?

What is rupture and repair in parenting? The Gentle Counsellor Crystal Hardstaff

What is Rupture and Repair in Parenting?

Ruptures are inevitable and without repair can damage the parent-child relationship. Security comes from knowing that repair will happen.

Have you heard of Rupture & Repair?

This is a term we use based on Attachment Theory which is basically when the parent and child have been feeling angry, distressed or upset. Most commonly it comes from our child expressing attachment seeking behaviours which has triggered our attachment style to react either inconsistently with meeting their needs or being dismissive of their emotions. However, this can also happen because of things that are inevitable, like going to work and being separated from each other.

Rupture is going to happen. Ruptures are inevitable as we are humans making mistakes.

What matters more is reconnecting once everyone is calm to engage in repair. Check out my blog post about time-in as an effective discipline and parenting strategy.

Remember that children need repair to happen in a shorter time span than adults. Try not to leave it for more than 24 hours.

Keep practicing being attuned to your child's emotions. Our children give us many opportunities to 'get it right', and it takes time to unlearn and relearn new ways of parenting. You'll notice each time it gets easier, and you'll experience the benefits and true meaning of what repair does for healthy relationships.


I even made this fun acronym for you

  • Reconnect
  • Emotions
  • Patience
  • Acknowledgement
  • Improvement
  • Reassurance

Have you heard of a rupture and repair before? Have you been doing repairs with your child?

Check out and Download my Emotional Regulation Guide.


Do you need more parenting support or a parenting course?

Circle of Security Parenting is a parenting program that enhances your parenting skills and helps you learn effective ways to understand and respond to your child’s moods and behaviour. It is designed to really help you make sense of what your child needs, so you can give them the best in return. From the very first session, you will gain more confidence in your parenting.

Click here for more information and to Book a Circle of Security Parenting session with me.

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