Parenting is a big job, and how you choose to parent can have a huge impact on your child’s growth, happiness, and success in life. There are four main parenting styles that experts talk about: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. Each one has its own way of raising kids, and understanding these styles can help you be the best parent you can be. Let's break down what these styles look like in real life, how they affect your child, and why the authoritative approach—also known as gentle or respectful parenting—is often the best choice.

1. Authoritarian Parenting: The "My Way or the Highway" Approach

What It Looks Like:

• Strict Rules, Little Flexibility: If you follow this style, you believe in setting firm rules and expecting your child to follow them without question. There’s not much room for discussion, and you might use punishment to keep your child in line.
• Focus on Obedience: You prioritise respect and discipline, often at the expense of your child’s feelings.

How It Affects Kids:

• Emotional Impact: Kids raised this way might follow the rules but often feel anxious or lack confidence. They might struggle to make decisions on their own.
• Behaviour: While these kids might behave well in front of you, they could rebel when they’re older or in situations where they feel they have more control.

Where It Comes From:

• This style is rooted in traditional views of parenting, where parents believed that strict discipline was key to raising well-behaved children. But research shows it might do more harm than good in the long run.

2. Permissive Parenting: The "Anything Goes" Approach

What It Looks Like:

• Lots of Love, Little Discipline: If you’re a permissive parent, you’re all about making your child happy. You don’t like saying no and might let your child get away with a lot.
• Few Rules: You believe in giving your child freedom, so rules are often flexible, and you avoid punishing them.

How It Affects Kids:

• Emotional Impact: Kids raised with permissive parenting often struggle with self-control and may have trouble respecting boundaries.
• Behaviour: Without clear rules, these kids might have a hard time in school and may act out or feel entitled.

Where It Comes From:

• This style became more popular in the 60s and 70s, with a focus on personal freedom and expression. But without enough structure, kids can feel lost and unsure of themselves.

3. Neglectful Parenting: The "Hands-Off" Approach

What It Looks Like:

• Not Enough Attention: Neglectful parents don’t spend much time or energy on their kids. They might meet basic needs like food and shelter but don’t offer much love, guidance, or discipline.
• Emotionally Distant: You might not be very involved in your child’s life, leaving them to figure things out on their own.

How It Affects Kids:

• Emotional Impact: Kids who don’t get enough attention from their parents often feel lonely, unimportant, and may struggle with their mental health.
• Behaviour: These kids might have problems in school, find it hard to make friends, or get into trouble as they look for attention in the wrong places.

Where It Comes From:

• Neglectful parenting can happen for many reasons, including stress, lack of support, or simply not knowing how to be more involved. But it’s the most damaging of all the styles because it leaves kids feeling unloved and unsupported.

4. Authoritative Parenting: The "Loving and Firm" Approach

What It Looks Like:

• Clear Rules, Lots of Support: If you follow the authoritative style, you set rules and expect your child to follow them, but you’re also warm, loving, and supportive. You believe in guiding your child rather than just controlling them.
• Balance of Freedom and Limits: You encourage your child to be independent but provide clear guidelines to help them learn right from wrong.

How It Affects Kids:

• Emotional Impact: Kids raised this way tend to be confident, happy, and emotionally healthy. They know they’re loved and feel secure in their relationships.
• Behaviour: These kids usually do well in school, have good social skills, and are less likely to get into trouble.

Why It Works:

• Authoritative parenting, often called gentle or respectful parenting, combines the best of both worlds: clear expectations and lots of love. Research shows that kids raised with this style are more likely to be successful, both in school and in life.

Why It’s the Best Choice:

• By balancing discipline with love and communication, authoritative parents help their kids grow into well-rounded, responsible adults. It’s about setting your child up for success by giving them the support they need while still holding them accountable.

In the end, the way you parent can make a big difference in your child’s life. While every family is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, authoritative parenting has been shown time and time again to be the most effective for raising happy, healthy, and successful kids. So, whether you call it gentle parenting, respectful parenting, or just good parenting, it’s about finding that balance between love and limits.

For more tips on parenting and child development, check out these helpful studies:

• Temperament and Parenting Styles in Early Childhood Differentially Influence Neural Response to Peer Evaluation in Adolescence

• Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept

• Mediating and moderating effects of authoritative parenting styles on adolescent behavioral problems