Why Emotional Regulation Can be Challenging for Some Children Despite Gentle Parenting: Tips and Strategies for Parents

Why Emotional Regulation Can be Challenging for Some Children Despite Gentle Parenting: Tips and Strategies for Parents. Crystal Hardstaff The Gentle Counsellor

Why Emotional Regulation Can be Challenging for Some Children Despite Gentle Parenting: Tips and Strategies for Parents

Learn why emotional regulation can be difficult for some children, despite gentle parenting. Discover effective tips and strategies for parents to help their children manage their emotions in this informative blog post.

Emotional regulation is a crucial skill that children need to develop. It refers to the ability to understand and manage one's emotions effectively, which is important for a child's social, emotional, and cognitive development. Emotional regulation involves managing feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and it is essential for children's wellbeing and success in life. However, some children struggle with emotional regulation, despite having gentle and attentive parenting. This blog post explores the reasons behind this phenomenon, along with some strategies and tips for parents to support their children.

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a common issue among young children, particularly when they start preschool or kindergarten. Separation anxiety occurs when a child feels distressed or anxious when separated from their caregiver. Children with separation anxiety may cry, cling, or refuse to go to school, which can be stressful for both the child and the parent.

For children with separation anxiety, emotional regulation can be challenging. They may feel overwhelmed with their emotions and find it difficult to calm down, even with their caregiver's support. Separation anxiety can also make it challenging for children to adapt to new situations, which can impact their emotional regulation.


Meltdowns are another common issue for children, particularly for younger children. A meltdown is an intense outburst of emotions, such as anger or frustration, which can result in crying, screaming, or physical outbursts. Meltdowns can occur when children feel overwhelmed or unable to cope with their emotions or situations.

Children with meltdowns often find it challenging to regulate their emotions, which can result in intense and prolonged emotional reactions. They may feel embarrassed or ashamed after a meltdown, which can impact their self-esteem and emotional wellbeing.

Proportion of the Reaction Being Much More Than the Situation

Another common issue for some children is the proportion of their reaction being much more than the situation. For example, a child may become overly upset about losing a toy, which may seem like a minor issue to an adult. This phenomenon can be frustrating for parents, who may struggle to understand why their child is reacting so strongly to seemingly small issues.

Children who struggle with regulating their emotions may have a hard time distinguishing between big and small problems, which can result in intense emotional reactions to minor issues. These children may also have a heightened sensitivity to their environment and may react strongly to changes or transitions.

Why is Emotional Regulation More Difficult for Some Children?

Several factors can impact a child's ability to regulate their emotions effectively, even with gentle and attentive parenting. Here are some possible reasons why some children may struggle with emotional regulation:

  1. Temperament: Every child has a unique temperament, which can impact how they respond to situations and manage their emotions. Some children may have a more intense or sensitive temperament, which can make emotional regulation more challenging.
  2. Developmental delays: Children with developmental delays, such as autism spectrum disorder, may find it more challenging to regulate their emotions effectively.
  3. Trauma or stress: Children who have experienced trauma or stress, such as abuse or neglect, may find it more challenging to manage their emotions effectively.
  4. Parenting style: Although gentle and attentive parenting is beneficial for children's emotional development, some parents may unintentionally reinforce negative emotional patterns, making emotional regulation more challenging for their child.

Listen to the More Than Mothering Podcast on Apple or Spotify

S2 Episode 12: Emotional regulation and why it’s more difficult for some children to regulate with Yvette Knights @movelearnconnect

Advice, Tips, and Strategies for Parents

Parents can support their child's emotional regulation by providing a supportive and nurturing environment. Here are some strategies and tips that parents can use to help their child regulate their emotions more effectively:

  1. Build a secure attachment

A secure attachment is critical to helping children develop emotional regulation skills. When children feel safe and secure with their primary caregiver, they are more likely to regulate their emotions effectively. Parents can build secure attachments by being responsive to their child's needs, consistently meeting their needs, and providing comfort and support when necessary.

  1. Validate their emotions

Validation is an essential part of emotional regulation. Parents can help their children by acknowledging and validating their emotions, even if they do not agree with their child's response. This can help the child feel heard and understood, which can make it easier for them to manage their emotions effectively.

  1. Teach calming techniques

Teaching children calming techniques can help them manage their emotions when they feel overwhelmed. Some effective calming techniques include deep breathing, visualization, and progressive muscle relaxation. Parents can teach these techniques and encourage their child to practice them regularly.

  1. Provide a safe space for emotional expression

It is essential for children to have a safe space to express their emotions without fear of judgment or punishment. Parents can create a safe space for emotional expression by setting aside time to talk with their child and actively listening to them without interrupting or dismissing their feelings.

  1. Seek professional help if necessary

If a child's emotional dysregulation is significantly impacting their daily life or if they are experiencing excessive levels of anxiety, depression, or trauma, it may be necessary to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide an accurate diagnosis and develop a treatment plan tailored to the child's needs. Seeking professional help is a proactive step that can provide parents and children with the tools and support they need to manage emotions effectively and improve their overall well-being.

  1. Use positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement can be an effective tool for encouraging children to regulate their emotions. Parents can provide positive feedback and rewards when their child exhibits emotional regulation skills, such as using calming techniques or responding appropriately to a situation.

  1. Model emotional regulation

Children learn a lot from observing their parents' behavior. Modeling emotional regulation can help children learn effective ways to manage their own emotions. Parents can demonstrate emotional regulation by remaining calm in stressful situations, using positive coping strategies, and expressing emotions in a healthy way.

  1. Develop a consistent routine

A consistent routine can help children feel more secure and less anxious, which can make emotional regulation easier. Parents can develop a consistent routine that includes regular meal times, bedtime, and playtime. Having a predictable routine can help children feel more in control of their environment and emotions.

Studies on Emotional Regulation in Children

Several professional studies have explored emotional regulation in children. One study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that parental warmth and positive communication were associated with better emotional regulation in children. Another study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that early-life stress and trauma could impact emotional regulation skills in children.


Emotional regulation is a complex process that can be more challenging for some children than others. Separation anxiety, meltdowns, and disproportionate reactions are all common challenges associated with emotional dysregulation in children. However, parents can help their children develop effective emotional regulation skills by building a secure attachment, validating their emotions, teaching calming techniques, providing a safe space for emotional expression, using positive reinforcement, modeling emotional regulation, developing a consistent routine, and seeking professional help if necessary. By implementing these strategies, parents can help their children manage their emotions effectively and develop critical life skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Check out my Emotional Regulation eBook. Download now!

A guide with evidence-based information and activities you can do to support your child’s emotional regulation development.

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