Why It Happens & What to Do
Motherhood & the Overwhelm of Constant Contact
Motherhood is often romanticised as a time of boundless love, snuggles, and nurturing connection. But for many mothers, particularly those in the early years, it can also come with an overwhelming sensation known as being touched out. This feeling of sensory overload happens when constant physical contact, from babies needing to be held, toddlers climbing over them, or partners seeking intimacy, becomes too much.
Yet, the reality of being touched out is not just about overstimulation. It is deeply tied to the structural failures of a society that isolates mothers, expects them to be endlessly available, and provides little meaningful support. If you’re feeling this way, it’s not because you’re failing, it’s because you’re human, and you are being asked to do too much, with too little support.
What Does It Mean to Be Touched Out?
Being touched out refers to a feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion from constant physical contact and the expectation of always being available. This can manifest as:
- Feeling irritated or overwhelmed when your child or partner touches you.
- A need for personal space that feels impossible to achieve.
- Sensory overload from the never-ending demands of motherhood.
- A short temper or sudden feelings of rage when someone reaches out for connection.
- The inability to enjoy physical affection because it feels like just one more thing being asked of you.
This isn’t about a lack of love. It’s about overstimulation, exhaustion, and the mental load of caregiving in a culture that expects mothers to be everything to everyone without respite.
Listen to The Gentle Counsellor Podcast.
Also available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Why Does This Happen?
The Overwhelm of the Invisible Load
Motherhood doesn’t just demand physical care; it requires managing an entire household’s emotional and logistical needs. Who’s keeping track of doctor’s appointments, meal planning, remembering birthdays, or ensuring there are clean clothes for the family? This unseen work falls disproportionately on mothers, leaving little space for their own needs.
A Society That Fails Mothers
We live in a world that glorifies the self-sacrificing mother while providing next to nothing to support her. Paid parental leave is inadequate, affordable childcare is scarce, and policies remain largely indifferent to the realities of raising children. Instead of creating systems of support, society gaslights mothers into thinking the problem is their individual inability to cope.
Lack of a Real Village
The phrase “it takes a village” is often said but rarely supported in action. Many mothers are left carrying the full weight of caregiving without the intergenerational or community support that once existed. But the village doesn’t just appear, it requires collective responsibility. Too often, people complain about the loss of community but fail to recognise that they, too, must show up for others.
What Can We Do About It?
Community Care
It is not enough to say, “Mothers need support.” We must actively create support systems. This means showing up for the mothers in our lives, not just when it’s convenient but consistently.
- Offer real, tangible help: Drop off meals, do the dishes, offer childcare without being asked.
- Normalise collective caregiving instead of treating parenting as an individual burden.
- Advocate for policies that support parental leave, childcare funding, and work-life balance.
Mothers Deserve Bodily Autonomy
Women are constantly told their bodies are for giving; for carrying children, for feeding them, for being available to partners, for meeting societal beauty standards. We need a cultural shift where mothers are seen as whole people, not just as caretakers. That means:
- Normalising the need for physical space; a mother’s need for autonomy is as valid as her child's need for affection.
- Challenging entitlement to women’s bodies; whether from children, partners, or societal expectations.
- Prioritising maternal well-being; because a burnt-out mother cannot sustainably care for others.
Redefining Self-Care Beyond the Individual
The solution to being touched out isn’t just bubble baths or “getting away” (though those can help). It’s systemic change. While small self-care practices matter, the focus must shift to structural changes that lessen the burden on mothers in the first place.
- Partners must step up and take equal responsibility not just in tasks, but in mental and emotional labour.
- Workplaces must become family-friendly with flexible schedules, paid parental leave, and remote work options which should be the norm, not the exception.
- Communities must actively support mothers not just by saying “I’m here if you need anything,” but by taking action.
You Are Not the Problem. The System Is
If you are feeling touched out, know this: you are not broken. You are not failing. You are not a bad mother. You are carrying an impossible weight in a world that refuses to make space for you.
Healing from this exhaustion isn’t just about personal change, it’s about demanding a society that values mothers as people, not just as caretakers.
✨ If this resonates with you, share this with your community. Let’s build the village not just in words, but in action. ✨
